Words Unspoken
by AllAtOnce215
Summary: Tragedy strikes the Stabler family, and Elliot takes some personal time. While hes gone, things at the 1-6 change. The question is, will it be for the better or for worse? I suck at summaries, just read and review. Random title.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual.

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Elliot's POV

Another case. Another child's body lying cold and lifeless behind a dumpster. Another perp still roaming the streets in search of his next victim. Me and my partner are the only ones left in office, and neither of us has said a word in over an hour. Children cases are the worst for both of us, especially when the details are almost too much for even us to bare. Its just past eight, and we are completely drained, both physically and mentally. The phone next to me rings, shaking both of us from our thoughts and forcing me to let out an exhausted sigh. Olivia and I share a glance before I pick it up.

"Stabler" The voice on the other end shatters my heart and I immediately become aware. Its Elizabeth, my youngest daughter.

"Daddy" She cries, sobbing so hard I can barely make out her words. "Daddy, you need to come home. Somethings wrong with mom, shes not breathing." My heart stops, face drains of any and all color. I can feel my partners worried eyes on me, but I cant meet them. I cant breathe.

"Lizzie, sweetie. Its going to be alright, I'll be there as soon as possible" I reply in a rush, my own voice faltering as the words come out. "I love you. I'll be there soon" I promise before hanging up. The phone doesn't even reach its cradle before I'm grabbing my keys and jacket as I stand up.

"El?" Olivia's voice is soft but panicked as she stands from her own desk.

"I gotta go. Somethings wrong at the house, I'll talk to you later" I reply, reaching the doorway as I'm almost running to the elevator. Luck seems to be on my side as the elevator doors open once I arrive to them. Not even caring whether the other person got in or out, I step inside and press the ground level button repeatedly until the doors close. The sound of my daughters terrified voice ringing through the phone replays itself over and over until I'm on the brink of tears. "_Somethings wrong with mom, shes not breathing._" She choked out between sobs. It feels like an eternity passes before the doors in front of me finally open and I am sprinting towards the parking lot to get to my SUV. _This is nothing, everything will be fine,_ I repeat to myself while I shove the keys into the ignition and drive off as quickly as possible. As soon as I am out of sight of the precinct, however, I find myself stuck in traffic. _I hate living in New York_, I think to myself. That's when it rings through my mind again._ Shes not breathing._Kathy. My wife, the mother of my children, isn't breathing. Kathy is lying there with no air in her lungs as my children stand around, terrified. Once again, my heart stops before starting up and beating fiercely against my rib cage.

The twenty minutes that pass before I'm able to get to my house feels like a million lifetimes, and I soon find myself turning onto that familiar street. The sight before me knocks the breath out of me, and my head begins to spin. An ambulance is parked just outside my house, its back doors open while two cop cars are parked in front of and behind it. Neighbors stand on the sidewalk and in their doorways as I pull in and rush out of the car.

"What the hells going on?" I ask a nearby paramedic, my voice faltering once again.

"Sir, who are you?" The man asks. Before I can answer, I hear an all too familiar voice.

"Daddy!" Elizabeth cries out, jumping from the front step of our porch with tears streaming down her face as she runs toward me. Pulling her into my arms quickly, I feel the knot in my stomach grow and get tighter.

"Baby, whats wrong? Whats going.." I trail off once something over my daughters shoulder catches my eye. A gurney is being pulled out of my house slowly by two young paramedics. The sheet is pulled all the way up. A broken, confused Dicky walks slowly behind them carrying his younger brother, Eli. Long, blond hair is hanging over the sides of the gurney as the men pull it into the ambulance. I don't breathe for a long moment, and my daughter continues sobbing in my arms.

"Sir, is this your home?" I hear a voice ask from a few feet away. After a minute, I turn in his direction and nod numbly.

"I...Yeah, this is my...That's my wife" I speak softly, my voice is rough but breaking. Dicky soon joins us, and through the corner of my eye I can see Maureen exit the house slowly before making her way over as well.

"I'm so sorry sir. It seems to have been an overdose. We were already far too late when we got here, so there was nothing we could do." The officer explains, removing his hat.

The rest of the night is a blur. Police question me and my children, being patient with us as we all deal with the grief. After almost two hours, the ambulance and the police leave and I'm once again left with my family. Silence fills the entire house as my children and I take in all that has happened, and contemplate what lies ahead. My phone rings endlessly, but I ignore every call. I already know its Olivia, and I just don't have the strength to deal with that right now. Tears stream silently down each of our faces as pictures of Kathy with all of us hang around the living room and all through the house.

A knock at the door brings me from my thoughts, and I slowly drag myself towards the door. Opening it, I see my Captin standing before me with a somber look on his face. He knows. Olivia knows. I wouldn't doubt that everyone else in the office knows as well.

"Elliot" Don says gently, his voice filled with sympathy and pain. His eyes are full of concern and understanding. He's been here before, he knows how I feel. "We heard about what happened, and we're all devastated. Olivia has been trying to call you, but understands why you wont pick up. She told me to let you know that she is there for you whenever you need her, and she knows why you wont pick up" He explains softly. "Take some personal time, son. Be with your family for a while. As of right now, your on paid leave. And that's an order. If you need anything from any of us, we're only a phone call away, Elliot. You know where to reach us" His kind words help, mostly because I know that he's been through this as well. The only difference was that he never had children by his side.

Nodding softly at him, I look at the ground as I whisper a "Thank you, Captin" and slowly close the door. Dragging myself back into the living room, I find my kids in the exact same positions they were in when I left. Glancing at the clock, I notice the time and sigh softly as I run a hand through my hair. "Alright guys. I think its about time for bed." I say softly. Its the first time any of us have spoke since the police left. "Its been a long day, and tomorrow will most likely be longer. I think we all need some sleep".

One after another, Lizzie, Dicky who still has Eli in his arms, and Maureen all begin to slowly walk towards me with the same pained expressions on their faces. I hug each of them tightly and kiss them before letting them go to their own rooms. "I love you guys" I call out before they all separate.

I hear a faint "Love you too" from each of them before the sounds of their doors clicking shut leaves me to the silence. I stand alone in the living room for a moment longer before forcing myself to go upstairs to our bedroom, now my bedroom. Upon opening the door, I'm immediately hit with Kathys familiar scent and it once again brings tears to my eyes. As they roll silently down my cheeks, I change into a pair of sweats and I'm about to climb into bed when I find an envelope hidden under the covers. My jaw clenches as I hesitantly open it, tears now streaming down my face.

_Elliot,_

_First of all, I want you to know that this is not your fault. None of this is. I've been unhappy for a very long time, and it is my own fault. You and the kids have been nothing short of amazing to me for so long, and I'm truly blessed to have found you, my love. But after we got the first separation, I fell into a deep depression that I never let anyone in on. The only one who knew was Kathleen. I don't want you to feel like you have failed me in any way, because that is certainly not the case. You were a saint to me Elliot Stabler, and I never really showed you how much I truly loved you. I'm sorry for doing this, for leaving you and the kids like this...but I feel I have no other choice. You will be fine without me, all of you will. I know it. And please don't mourn me, I want you to feel no grief over my passing. All of the children are getting similar letters, all hidden in their blankets just as this one was, so I know they will all understand. Don't worry about telling our sweet Kathleen about me, she got her letter last night and now knows exactly what has happened. I love you very much, Elliot Stabler. You gave me the best 23 years of my life, and the five most beautiful children in the world. I know you will move on to do incredible things without me, and always know that I am looking down on you, smiling. Take care of the children and yourself, and tell Olivia that I'm sorry about the ice cream incident. She'll understand what you mean. I don't regret a single moment I spent with you, and I hope you feel the same. The best thing you could do for me is to not blame yourself for my decision, and to live a full, happy life. I love you._

_Kathy._

By now, I'm lying in bed with the paper clutched in my hands as I read over my deceased wife's final words. Tears roll down the sides of my face as I fold up the small letter and place it on my dresser, praying to fall asleep. My prayers are soon answered as I feel my consciousness slipping away, and see Kathy's face one last time.

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A/N- What do you guys think of the first chapter? Its a lot different from my usual stuff, but I wanted to try something new. Reviews help me write faster, so please give me some feedback. Chapter 2 will be up shortly, but like I said, reviews help me go faster.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer-I own nothing, as usual (:

**A/N**- First of all, I just want to say thanks to all of you for your reviews! I really appreciate all of your support, and I hope you guys keep reading. This chapter will mostly consist of answering questions that were left off in the last one, and also possibly open up a few other doors. As always, read and review afterwards. Thanks lovelys (:

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**Elliots POV**

The first thing I'm aware of when I wake up is the fact that the left side of the bed is empty, no warm body lying next to me. I roll over onto my back as I let out a sigh, the knot in my stomache beginning to form once again.

"Daddy?" A soft voice whispers lightly from the other side of me. Looking over, I see Lizzie and the sight breaks my heart all over again. My once beautiful, happy daughter is now broken. The light in her eyes and the constant smile on her face is now nowhere to be found, replaced only by a look of despair and numbness. She is keeping the tears at bay as she looks at me, obviously in pain from just being in the room.

"Hey sweetie" I greet her quietly, seeing every bit of Kathy in her. "Whats up?"

"Maureens making breakfast for everyone, and Dickys downstairs playing with Eli. I just wanted to come see if you were awake yet" Her voice is soft and pleading while her eyes silently beg to be let in. This is the most any of us have said since the incident. Outside, the rain is falling and the clouds are dark. Scooting over slightly in the big bed, I pat the spot next to me and invite her to lay down. Once she does so, I put my arm over her shoulder and pull her closer to my side, kissing the top of her head gently. Her head falls lazily onto me, and she begins tracing random patterns on my shirt, the way she did when she was a little girl. "I read my letter" She says softly.

A soft sigh escapes my lips, and I nod lightly. "I know, I read mine too" I reply.

Theres a small pause before she speaks again, but her voice is stronger this time. "I dont blame you for what happened, dad. You have to know that. I saw how hard you tried to make mom happy, and that you guys really loved each other. None of us blame you" Elizabeth promises. The words of my youngest daughter, so wise and strong, help to losen the knot in my stomache a bit. Another couple of minute pass without any words being said, its a comfortable silence. "I miss her" She whispers softly.

"I know, sweetie. I do too" I respond, kissing the top of her head once again. "But we're going to get through this. All of us, together. I love you kids so much, I'm not going to let anything else happen" I try my best to make the words come out strong, but they sound weak to even my own ears.

"I know. I love you too" She says with a small smile as she looks back up at me. For the briefest moment, I see the little girl she used to be. The one who would come in the house crying with a skinned knee, or who made me check her closets every night before she went to bed. Then I am brought back to the present, and am once again looking back at my beautiful fifteen year old daughter as she leans up and kisses me on the cheek. The scent of bacon and eggs begins to enter the room from downstairs, and she lightly wiggles off the bed. "Come on, lets go eat"

I manage a small smile as I nod at her. "You go down, I'll be right there. I'm just going to get cleaned up and changed first." I explain, slowly getting out of bed as well. "Tell the others I'll be down in a minute" Lizzie nods once before leaving the room and closing the door behind her, the sound of her footsteps on the stairs soon follow. After quickly getting washed and changed, I begin heading towards the door to leave when I'm stopped dead in my tracks. The sight of mine and Kathys wedding picture catches my eye, and I'm left feeling like someone knocked the wind out of me. I stare at the picture for several minutes, a million thoughts racing around in my mind, before I finally suck in a deep breath and head towards the door again without looking back.

Descending the stairs, the first thing I see is Dicky handing his younger brother another building block to put on top of the one already in his hands. Glancing up, there isnt a trace of a smile on Dickys face as he greets me. "Morning dad" He says, his voice monotonous. Upon hearing his older brother speak, Eli looks over in my direction and grins. A smile of my own begins to form as I walk over to them.

"Dad-dy!" The two year old squeals as he drops his blocks and turns to me. Eli looks exactly like Kathy, down to his curly blonde locks and dimpled smile. Kneeling down next to them, I feel my heart swell up as the youngest of my children climbs into my lap, innocence radiating off of him as he grins up at me.

"Hey big guy" I smile, tickling his stomache lightly causing him to squeal with delight. A small chuckle escapes my own lips as I watch the Eli squirm and giggle. Turning my attention to his older brother, I smile softly at him as well. "How you holding up, Dick?" I ask, not expecting much of a reply.

A simple shrug of his shoulders tells me I will be getting just that, "Alright, I guess. I read the letter she wrote me last night, so I guess I'm doing a little better than expected now that I know what happened" His voice is low and distant, and his eyes refuse to meet mine. "I have to keep pretending like nothings wrong for Eli's sake, too. He's too young to have to deal with all of this." His words are strong and protective, and I'm able to see a lot of my old self in him, as well as his mother. Placing a soft kiss to Eli's forehead, I gently put him back into the carpet with his brother and give Dickys shoulder a light squeeze before standing up.

"He's lucky to have you as a brother, bud" I say softly as I stand completely. "Come on, smells like breakfast is nearly done" I add on my way to the kitchen. Upon arriving, I see my eldest child remove something from the stove and place it on the small family table while Lizzie sets it. Maureen sees me once she puts the plates down and smiles her delicate, guarded smile.

"Hey daddy" These are the first words she has said to me since arriving back home, and they briefly warm my heart. She hasn't called me daddy since she was Elizabeths age, almost seven years ago. Her arms quickly go around me, and I realize just how much I truely missed her, how much I've missed all my children lately. "How are you?" She asks, almost as if she is afraid of my answer.

"Hey baby girl" I greet her warmly, my arms wrapping around her as well. I let out a puff of breath before answering her loaded question. "I'm doing as well as to be expected, but its not easy. I miss her, ya know?" My voice is quiet as I speak, just loud enough for Maureen to hear before pulling away. "We've missed you around here, kiddo" I add after another moment passes. Soon, the kitchen table is covered with plates and food, drinks and silverware, and we are all gathering around as a family to eat. A part of me is shocked when Dicky offers to say grace, but none of us object as he begins. Afterwards, we all eat mostly in silence and try not to dwell on the empty chair at the other end of the table.

Soon enough, all of our plates are empty but nobody bothers to get up just yet. It is I who breaks the silence. Sighing, I speak softly but with purpose. "Alright, so obviously a lot happened yesterday. There is no point in pretending that it didn't so I think we should just talk about it as a family now." Looking around, I see them hesitate before reluctantly nodding, each of them keeping their eyes on their plates. "Okay, so what exactly happened? What happened when you guys got home?" I ask, looking from Dicky to Lizzie and back.

Lizzie speaks up first, as I assumed she would. "We got home at around 8 after my softball game. Mom was supposed to come to the game with Eli, but she never showed and I got mad at her. I thought she forgot about it or just didn't care." Tears threaten to spill from her eyes, and her voice breaks as she speaks. "Sarahs mom drove the two of us home, and when we got here, we started looking around and calling for her. Dicky found Eli asleep in his room first, then I found mom" At this point, tears are falling slowly down Elizabeths cheeks, one after another. "I screamed for Dicky, then immediately called you while he called for an ambulance. We didn't know what else to do, we were both in shock." As she goes into more detail, the tears begin streaming down her face and she in soon hunched over, crying into her hands while her elbows rest on the table. I reach over and rub her back comfortingly as I feel tears brimming behind my own eyes and look up to see the rest of my family in tears as well. I knew this wouldn't be easy.

"I walked in about two minutes later" Maureen speaks up, her voice is broken and pained. "I wanted to stop by for a surprise visit. The paramedics arrived about ten minutes before you got here, and the police showed up a minute after the paramedics and started questioning us." She explains, tears slipping down her pinkened cheeks. Theres a long silence that fills the air, all of us once again lost in our own thoughts. Taking the hands of the two children sitting closest to me, Lizzie and Dicky, I give them each a gentle squeeze before speaking. "This isn't going to be easy, but we will get through this. All of us, I promise. But the only way it will work for all of us is if we do this as a family. No shutting each other out, that will only make it harder to get through. We have to talk to each other about this and whatever else is bothering us, understood?" Looking around at each of them, they all nod slowly and mumble small 'yes dad's as their eyes stay fixed on their plates. "Good. Now I'm going to be making the phone calls to the rest of the family today to tell them all what happened, you guys can just relax and do what you want, but please stay in the house." After making sure all of them agreed, I stand silently, kiss each of them on the top of the head, and make my way back upstairs to begin my task for the day.

It takes a little over four hours to finish making all the calls, and by the end, I'm completely drained. I cried more than I had expected to, and was patient with the others when they took in the news. After going through the complete list of friends and family, I fall into bed and find myself falling asleep faster than I had expected. The last thing that registers to me before I lose conciousness is the faint sound of Eli's laughter coming from the living room.

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**A/N**- Alright, so hopefully this chapter cleared a few things up that were a bit blurred in the last chapter. There is definately more to come very soon, so send reviews and I'll be sure to post the next chapter as soon as possible. There will definately be a few more Elliot/family moments throughout the story, but the rest of the storyline will begin to progress soon enough (meaning Olivia, Don, and the rest of the squad.). Thoughts? Questions? Opinions? All reviews are welcome and encouraged. Thanks lovelys (:


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer- I own nothing, as usual (:**

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**Olivia's POV**

My apartment is quiet as I enter it, just as it is everyday when I return from work. Today is different, however. There's a faint emptiness that I cant quite place, and I shrug it off as I hang up my coat, and put my badge and keys on the coffee table. Work had been slow today, each hour seeming to stretch longer than the last. Sighing as I make my way in the small kitchen, I replay the past two days events in my mind and am still somewhat confused by the news of Kathy Stablers suicide. Its no secret that the two of us weren't exactly best friends, but she loved and cared for Elliot and their family, I had a great amount of respect for her. I feel a small pull on my heart strings at the thought of the rest of the Stabler family, and I immediately wonder how they are all dealing with the tragedy. The thought of Elliot, my partner of the past eleven years, having to go through this alone is almost too much to bear. I'd tried calling him a few dozen times since Don had informed me of what had happened, but never got a hold of him. I expected as much, so after a while, I decided to give him some space.

"Screw it" I mutter to myself as I grab my keys and wallet, putting my coat on. My mind is already made up for me as I leave my apartment quickly, heading down to the street to hail a cab. _I cant just sit by and do nothing_, I think to myself as one pulls up to the curb in front of me.

"Where to Miss?" The driver asks as I slide in. After quickly giving him the name of my usual Chinese food restaurant along with the street its on, we are soon driving off. We exchange some small talk on the way, but he gives up once he realizes my attention is elsewhere. Pulling up to the restaurant, I toss the money up to the front seat of the cab before thanking him and getting out. A cool wind blows lightly as I open the door, and I'm immediately hit with the aroma of Pork Fried Rice and Orange Chicken.

As I get to the counter to order, I realize that I have no idea what kind of chinese food the Stabler children like. Sighing, I take out my credit card. _This could get expensive_, I think to myself as I order one of everything from the dinner menu. I ignore the look I receive from the woman behind the register, and mentally calculate how much it will all come to. _Oh well, at least they'll have left overs for tomorrow, _my mind counters as I wait and watch them pile several containers into a cardboard box.

Fifteen minutes later, the woman behind the counter is watching me as I carry the box full of food outside and hail another cab. Several minutes pass before one finally pulls up, and I receive another strange look from the driver once he sees what is in the box. "Having a party, or somethin'?" He asks, glancing back at me through the rear-view mirror.

I smile politely and shrug. "Something like that" I reply before giving him the address to Elliot's house. Looking at my watch as we slowly make our way through the streets of Queens, I see that its almost seven, much earlier than I thought it would be. It isn't long before we're pulling up to the familiar house, and there is instantly a sense of loss just in the atmosphere alone. I hand the driver his money, and take a deep breath before stepping out. I slowly make my way up the front porch steps and hesitate slightly before knocking on the front door.

Almost a minute passes before the door finally opens, and I see Maureen standing before me. I'm not sure why, but a part of me is surprised to see her. It feels like forever since the last time I actually saw her in person instead of simply in the pictures on Elliot's desk. I offer her a sympathetic smile as I speak softly. "I come bearing food".

Her returning smile is sad, but thankful "You shouldn't have, Olivia. Thank you, come on in" The tone of her voice and her grace as she walks shows me just how much she has grown and matured since our last encounter. Entering the house with her, I follow her into the kitchen and immediately notice how quiet the house is. This also surprises me, though I know it shouldn't considering recent events.

"I got just about everything on the menu, so there will definitely be enough to go around" I say with a small smile as I place the box of food on the kitchen table. "I wasn't sure whether or not you guys had eaten yet" As I finish speaking, I turn to see Dicky walk into the kitchen with Eli on his hip. "Hey Dicky" I greet softly, offering him the same apologetic smile I had offered his sister not five minutes earlier.

"Hey Olivia" He responds sadly, trying his best to smile back. In his arms, Eli is smiling and reaching one of his small hands towards me.

"Olivia brought Chinese food over for us" Maureen tells him as I say 'hello' to the youngest of the Stabler children, sounding relieved. Looking at the box, I hear a small chuckle escape Dicky's lips, something that I definitely wasn't expecting.

"Theres enough food in there to last us the rest of the week" He jokes. I'm also not expecting it when he hands the baby boy over to me gently. "I'll go get Lizzie" He says before leaving the room. Once I hear his footsteps on the stairs, I turn back to Maureen.

"Hows your dad holding up?" I ask softly, almost afraid of what her answer will be.

"He's doing alright, from what I can tell. He spent most of the day locked up in his room making calls to the rest of the family, so my guess is that he's sleeping it all off now" She explains, removing the contents from the box and spreading them out over the table. A moment of silence passes, and neither of us have said a thing. "I'm guessing he hasn't even talked to you since it happened?" Maureen assumes.

I simply nod my head in confirmation. "I completely understand why though, this has got to be tough on all of you. I just wanted to stop by and make sure you were all doing alright" Before I'm able to say anymore, Elizabeth's voice flows through the room.

"I smell Chow Mein" There is the soft sound of Maureens laughter at her younger sisters bluntness, and I see her shake her head lightly. "Hey Olivia" Elizabeth greets me, the smallest hint of joy in her voice as she smiles. Upon closer look, I see that her eyes are a bit red and puffy, it's obvious she has been crying for a while.

"Hey, did you guys wake dad up and tell him we have food?" Maureen asks, retrieving several plates and some silverware.

Lizzie's voice is soft as she replies nodding her head. "We told him there was food here, and he said he would be down in a little bit. Didn't say when though"

"He sounded kind of upset..Maybe he was just tired though" Dicky adds as he sits down next to Eli's high-chair. I gently put the smiling baby boy in the chair and let his older brother strap him in correctly.

Gradually, the food is divided amongst everyone and, as I sit back and watch the now broken family interact, I begin to see how strong they are as a whole. Their are some laughs as Eli plays with the noodles in his Low Mien, and it is easy to see how, even in the hardest of times, they can still come together and count one one another. That ache in my chest I've been ignoring and pushing back for so long returns with so much force, I'm left breathless for a moment. Through the corner of my eye, I see Maureen take out her phone and type something quickly, assuming its a text.

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**Elliot's POV**

As I lie here in bed, I can hear the faint sounds of silverware scraping against plates, and the voices of my children speaking and laughing occasionally. When Elizabeth and Dicky came up to tell me they got food, they failed to tell me who brought it for them. I didn't need them to, for there wasn't a doubt in my mind that Olivia had most likely gone and picked up as much food as she could to ensure that my family wouldn't go hungry. She knew I'd be falling apart. I hate that she is always there when I need her, when my family needs her. A part of me wishes she would leave, that she would stop being so helpful and understand that I want to figure out how to get through this without her. Its now been almost a half hour since my children came up to let me know there was food, and I've barely moved a muscle since.

My cell phone on my bedside table begins to vibrate, signalling that I had a text. Figuring it was from Olivia, I sighed and slowly opened my phone, only to find that it wasn't from my partner at all.

_From: Maureen_

_Message: I know what your doing..you cant avoid her forever, she's here to help. Come down and eat._

Letting out a huff of air, I finally sit up and slowly slide off the bed. After getting washed and changed, I very slowly make my way downstairs and am immediately hit with the smell of Pork Fried Rice coming from the kitchen. I'm not very hungry, but my throats dry and I'm in dire need of something to drink. I'm surprised, however, when I don't find Olivia in the kitchen with the rest of my family. Maureen, being able to read the expression on my face, speaks up first. "Shes in the bathroom. She should be out in a minute"

I simply nod as I listen to her, and dig around the refrigerator for a can of soda. I soon find what I was looking for and step out the back door into our small yard. The door closes silently behind me, and I make my way over to one of the small chairs by the grill. As I stare up at the sky, my mind wanders briefly over the last twenty four hours of my life. Before I'm able to get into too much detail, the back door quietly opens and shuts. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's my partner.

"Hey" Her soft voice is concerned, pained. I keep my back turned to her, and soon feel her at my side. Her comfort is exactly what I need at this point, but I can already feel myself shutting down.

"Thanks for the food" I say monotonously, keeping my eyes away from her.

I hear Olivia sigh softly, its a sigh I recognize all too well. She can tell I'm shutting down on her, that there's no getting through to me now. "Elliot, don't do this. Don't shut me out" Her voice is pleading and soft. Through the corner of my eye, I can see her own watching me, silently begging to be let in. She wants to help, so why am I forcing myself to push her away?

"I dont know what your talking about, Olivia. I'm not doing anything" I can hear the distance and coldness in my own voice, and can see the pain constricting on her face. _Why is she trying so hard? _I think to myself. _Why doesn't she understand I need to do this alone?! _"You should go home, its getting late. I won't be back for a few weeks, so Cragen will probably reassign you to someone else for a while until I get back"

She shakes her head as she sighs once again. This time its a sigh I'm less familiar with, one that I dread more than anything. Its sad and somewhat broken, as though she feels like she has failed me in some way. Its twisted really, for her to feel like that. I'm the one whose shutting her out while she tries everything she can to help me, and _she_ is the one who feels as if she has done something wrong. Quietly, she stands and makes her way back towards the door.

"Goodbye Elliot" These are the last words I hear before the door closes once again. I continue to sit outside for another few minutes until I'm sure she is gone, trying my best not to dwell on the fact that I just hurt one of the only ones I had left to count on. Thats when it hits me, an idea that seems to be the most appropriate during a time like this.

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**A/N- Sorry to just leave you guys hanging there, but how else will I get you to keep reading, huh? :) As always, reviews are amazing. They keep me going, so keep them coming :) The storyline will definitely begin to really progress soon enough, so just stay with me on this (: Again, reviews make me update faster. Thanks lovelys.**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- I own nothing, as usual.

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**Elliots POV**

Walking back into my house, I begin to formulate how all of this is going to work out. I quickly grab another soda and make my way back upstairs, phone in hand. I hear my kids talking to each other as I walk past, but pay little attention as I make my way up the steps, back to my room. After making myself comfortable in the large bed, I take a deep breath and dial that familiar number. Several rings pass, and there is soon an answer at the other end.

"Hello?" She sounds tired, yet somewhat alert.

"Hey mom" I say softly. The second the words escape me, I hear a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line.

"Elliot? Hello dear!" She replies, now fully awake. "This is twice in one day your calling. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everythings fine" I lie as best as I can, trying to ease the concern I can hear in her voice. "Its just that...Well, you know how things are a little crazy around here.." I begin. The next hour of our conversation consists of me asking if the kids and I would be able to come spend a few weeks with her at the beach house, to which she wholeheartedly agrees. Soon after, we hang up and I am left alone to plan everything out.

Once I have finished e-mailing Lizzie and Dicky's principle to let them know they wont be in for a few weeks, I make my way back downstairs to tell them all the plan.

"Guys, we need to have a family meeting" I say once I hit the bottom step.

"Whats going on, dad?" Maureen, who currently has a sleeping Eli in her lap on the couch, asks with a confused expression.

"I just got off the phone with grandma. She agreed to let us all come stay with her for a few weeks after the funeral. I think we all need to get away from the craziness for a while, and this seems like the best idea. I already contacted your principle" I say to the twins as they listen in as well. "You guys are going to need to have your friends send you any assignments your going to miss, then I guess you can just e-mail them to your teachers or something" They all listen with somber expressions, none of them bothering to fight me on the issue.

"Alright, thats fine." Maureens soft voice rings through, "But about the funeral arrangements..I want to help" This simple gesture lightly pulls at my heart strings, and I'm left to simply nod.

"Okay, thank you Sweetie" I say once I'm able to find my voice again. "We should probably start preparations and everything for it tomorrow, so we'll figure all this out then." I pause for a moment before I continue, thinking about how difficult tomorrow will be on all of us. "I'm exhausted, so I'm going back to bed. Get some sleep tonight, all of you. I love you guys" I add with a small smile before turning around and slowly heading back upstairs to make one more phone call before going back to bed.

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**A/N- I know this chapter is super short, but I've been really busy these last few days. I'm going to try my best to get the next chapter up later today, and it will definately be longer than this one. There will also be a lot of outtakes of this story that will be posted later (more details on that when the time comes). Again, I'm really sorry about how short this chapter is. Hope you guys are staying with me on this :) Reviews are amazing, so keep them coming (: Thanks lovelys.**


	5. Authors Note

A/N- Sorry, I hate these too. Just wanted to let everyone know that the next chapter will be up very soon. I've been busy these last few days so I havent gotten a chance to really sit down and update. I hope to have the next chapter posted by at least tomorrow. You guys have been amazing so far with your reviews and support and everything, so keep it up and I'll post the new chapter ASAP :) Thanks lovelys


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer- I own nothing, as usual (:

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Olivia's POV

"Wow, this place really _has_gone to dogs since I left" A familiar, cheerful voice floats through the squad room, pulling me from my thoughts. Its been almost three days since I've heard from any of the Stablers, and even though I knew and expected Elliot to shut me out, it still hurts. Looking up as my thoughts escape me, I see the face of an old friend enter.

"What the hell are you doing here?" John asks grinning, standing up to greet his old partner.

"I should be asking you the same question. Your old ass hasn't retired yet?" Brian's voice is surprised and amused. Things with the two of us didn't exactly end of the best of terms, but its impossible to ignore the comfort in seeing the face of an old friend.

"Oh, so your just going to act like I'm not even here?" I ask jokingly, smiling as I stand up as well. Theres a slight pause as he looks at me, almost as if he is trying to figure out whether or not its really me. That's when it hits me. Its been almost eleven years since we last saw each other, we've both changed.

"Olivia?" He asks, his eyes widening. The shock in his voice causes me to laugh softly. The sound of my laughter is the trigger, he smiles instantly. "Well I'll be damned. Olivia Benson." His smile grows more with every word that escapes him, and a chuckle soon follows. "It shouldn't surprise me that your still working here. You've always been dedicated"

Before I'm able to respond, we are interrupted by a relieved looking Don. "On time for once, Cassidy." He teases before turning his attention back to the rest of us. "Alright as of recent events, Detective Stabler has decided to take a few months off. I think we can all agree that he more than deserves a break after everything that's happened" Cragen is quiet for a moment, and Brian listens on looking confused. "Until he is ready to return, Brian will be filling in for him. Olivia, you will be paired up with Cassidy while Munch and Fin stay the way they are" A few more simple words are said before the Captain retreats back to his office, leaving the four of us alone once again.

"Well, welcome back man" Fin speaks up before answering the phone that has begun to ring on his desk. Before I know it, we're on our way to a crime scene and I'm filling Caissidy in on some of the big things he has missed over the years after he left. None of us are surprised when he asks the most obvious of questions, the one I've been avoiding answering.

"So what happened to Stabler?" He asks curiously, throwing me a quick glance. Luckily, my phone begins to ring before I have a chance to answer him.

"Benson" I say quickly into the phone. Its Cragen, and just the tone of his voice tells me its big. As he goes on to explain whats happening, I listen with shocked ears. "Are you sure?" I ask him, before quickly gesturing for Brian to pull over. "Well, how do you know its the same? Is Melinda already over there?" A small, exasperated sigh escapes me and I run my free hand through my hair. "Yeah, alright. Me and Cassidy will head over there now and see whats going on. I'm guessing you already called Munch and Fin?....Alright, thanks Cap." I say before hanging up.

I briefly turn my attention to Brian, telling him to start the car back up. "There's another victim" I say softly, keeping my eyes on the windshield as small rain drops begin to hit it.

"Already?!"

"Yeah, the arriving officers gave specific details to what it looks like and it matches the victim we were on our way to see." I explain softly, lost in my own thoughts. Another moment passes before I continue, switching back to Cop-Mode. "Turn around and go back towards 52nd St. This guy works fast, so we need to catch him before he gets someone else." I hear my new partner let out a soft sigh, and watch him nod through the corner of my eye. And thats the end of that. We drive off the rest of the way in silence, both of us consumed in the darkness of our own minds.

Once we arrive on scene, I immediately see the young childs body partially hidden behind a dumpster. The little girl couldn't have been older than twelve. Her dirty blond hair is wet and matted, and the top of her skull is painted with newly dried blood. Her clothes are torn and her body is cut, signs of a struggle are obvious. _She looks like Lizzie when she was younger_, I think to myself, trying not to dwell on the thought too much. I'm finally snapped back from my thoughts when I realize someone is talking to me.

"Pretty little thing." Melinda's voice is soft, sad. Nodding is all I'm able to do at this point. _Whats wrong with me? _I ask myself as I realize I have tears in my eyes._ I'm stronger than this. I'm a professional_. Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I subtly wipe the tears away before they fall and stand up straight. Looking over my shoulder, I see Brian talking to another police officer, most likely one of the first ones to arrive at the scene. Smiling once at Melinda, I make my way over to them and hear part of their conversation.

"Yeah, yeah." His Brooklyn accent is thick. "I was the one who made the call. A buddy of mine took the call for the other one that was found about an hour ago. When I get here, I nearly puke! The girls clothes and underwear are all torn to pieces next to her, shes all cut up, and the top of her head is just pourin' out blood! It was sick." The middle aged officer takes another quick look over to the young girls body and shakes his head. "Poor kid. When you find this creep, give him a special kick in the nuts for me. Will ya?"

"Olivia!" Melinda calls me back. Letting out another deep breath, I return to my previous spot to find her kneels on the ground next to the girls body. "This was definitely the same guy" She confirms.

"How can you tell?" I ask, mirroring her position on the ground.

"See the scratch marks behind her ears leading down her neck?" I simply nod as I look at the spot she is pointing to. "The other victim had the same kind of scratches" A short moment passes as I contemplete everything about this case. The children, the abuse, and the fact that this pervert is out there with who knows how many other victims. A piece of my heart breaks, and a part of me longs for Elliot's comfort. _Don't go there_, I think to myself, _He made his choice_. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I slowly stand up and let out a soft sigh.

"Alright, well I have to get back to the station. I'm not going to waste time sitting around here, we gotta find this creep. Call me if you find anything" I don't realize how cold my voice sounds until the words are already out. Tossing a small, apologetic smile at Melinda, she simply nods and smiles back.

"Its alright. He'll be back sooner or later, just give him time. In the meantime, try to...break in your new partner as best you can" She chuckles, gesturing over my shoulder to Brian who seems to be scolding another younger cop.

Letting out another sigh, I'm suddenly hit with a sense of deja vu. "Thanks. I'll see you later" I say, glancing over my shoulder at her before walking back to Brian. Its going to be a long day.

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**AN- **FINALLY got the new chapter up! Sorry if its not what you guys were expecting or if it kinda sucked or whatever. But reviews are definitely helpful. Let me know what you guys think of this chapter and the story so far, and thanks for sticking with me this far. Things are definitely going to

start progressing pretty soon, so stay with me :) Thanks Lovelys


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer- I own nothing, as usual (:

AN- First of all, I just want to say thank you guys so much! Your reviews are amazing, and they definitely encourage me to write faster, so keep them coming. For any and all non-believers out there, this is most definitely an E/O story! I promise you, there are definitely good things in store for our favorite detectives..Its just going to take a while longer for everything to get settled down. Unless your an E/O non-believer, you wont be disappointed in the end result. Things will pan out eventually, just give it time (: Now, your Chapter 6..

PS- Things in this story will still be going in order, there will just be a lot of fast forwarding through certain things. But fear not, there will be outtakes in another document.

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**Elliot's POV**

Its been a month now. A month since I've been to work, a month since Kathy killed herself, and a month since the last time I saw Olivia. It was five thirty in the morning when I came out here, and the sun was slowly beginning to rise as I started my run along the beach. This has always been my favorite time of the day. The kids are still asleep, its quiet both inside and out, and I can think rational thoughts without driving myself insane with regret or fear. Its peaceful.

I jog the last few meters back to the house, and quietly enter through the back door. Glancing up at the clock on the wall, I notice its just past six thirty and I can hear movement coming from upstairs. Sighing softly to myself, I grab a water bottle from the refrigerator and begin making my way upstairs to take a shower.

Once I reach the top of the steps I almost run into Maureen, who has Eli rested comfortably on her hip. "Oh, hey sweetie" I greet her warmly.

"Hey dad, you just getting back?" she asks, shifting the baby slightly. I simply nod in confirmation as I step around her. "Alright, well I'm going to start breakfast for everyone then grandma is going to help me finish up when shes done getting dressed"

"Okay, I'll be down in a little bit" I promise before heading towards the bathroom. "Oh, Maureen." I call her back as she begins descending the stairs. "Are Lizzie and Dicky awake yet?"

"Nope, not yet." She replies simply, shrugging lightly before walking back down to the kitchen.

I take my time in the shower, getting lost in my own thoughts once again. Lately, I've been trying my best not to think of work. Of the cases, the victims, and mostly of Olivia. Whenever my kids ask if I've talked to her recently or how shes doing, all I'm able to say is that I haven't gotten a hold of her. They all know its because I refuse to try.

The rest of the day goes by without too much excitement, thankfully. Until dinner, that is. Casual chatter fills the table as usual, and everyone seems to be getting back to their normal selves, finally learning to live without Kathy.

"Dad" Lizzie says as she wipes spaghetti sauce off of Eli's face, glancing over her shoulder at me. There is a small, curious smile on her face, and I instantly know I'm not going to like the next few words that come out of her mouth.

"Yeah?" I ask, brushing it off as though nothing is wrong.

"How come you haven't talked to Olivia in so long? I mean, she was your partner for.. Well, most of mine and Dicky's lives. You guys were always so close, why haven't you tried talking to her?" By the time she finishes asking her question, she is completely facing me and everyone else is listening as well.

"Things have just been...hectic, for everyone over there for a while. None of them really have the time to just sit around and talk on the phone for a few hours" I explain with a small sigh, keeping my eyes on my plate. And with that, she gives up. The subject is dropped from the conversation, but still lives on in my head.

Hours pass, and its almost midnight as I stand out on the cool beach, just looking out to the ocean. My thoughts get the better of me, and soon enough, I cant take it anymore. Taking out my phone, I let out a deep breath, press a few buttons on the key board, and press send before looking back out to where the moons reflection is being mirrored on the surface of the ocean.

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**Olivia's POV**

This was a mistake, I'm well aware of that. But there's no going back now. We've been here before, in this situation. Last time, it was his apartment. This time we back up slowly into mine, his lips never leaving my own as we make our way towards the bedroom. _This is wrong_, the voice of reason in the back of my head screams, _Stop! This isn't right, it will ruin things for both of you. For all of you_. But then Brian's cold hands remove my shirt, and the voice begins to fade.

I know I should stop this, but I cant seem to find a reason to. I want this, I need this. To feel needed, to feel wanted, to feel like what I do matters. That it makes a difference, especially after this case. So I don't stop him. I don't push his hands away as he removes my bra, or as he slowly pulls off my pants. Soon enough, hes inside of me. I do all that I can to push the image of Elliot from my mind, but its no use. I can see the hurt, disappointed look in his eyes. This was a mistake.

I'm brought back to the present as Brian gunts my name, and we begin moving together. I'm eventually able to push my old partners face from my mind, but I stay quiet for the rest of the night. I'm there physically, but mentally, I'm nowhere to be found. I don't talk, I don't smile, I don't rest on Brian's chest when he finishes, and I don't get up to look at my cell phone when it begins to vibrate in my purse on the floor. All I'm able to concentrate on is the feeling of guilt that's washing over me when I realize what I have done. Again. _This time_, I think to myself,_ somebody will end up hurt._

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AN- Okay, sucky chapter. But, its better than nothing right? Again, I assure you that this IS an E/O story, so have no fear. I plan to have the next chapter up pretty soon, so bare with me. Oh and don't worry, if your not a fan of the whole Olivia/Dean relationship, you only have to stick it out for a while longer x) Anyways, reviews make me happy and encourage more updates. Thanks Lovelys.


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